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5 Things I Learned From Horse Riding

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first published on January 12, 2011 on my Wisdom of a 20-Something; republished on 5 Things I Learned on January 25, 2011

1) Your bum is gonna hurt.

It’s a fact… but eventually you’ll be so used to the discomfort that it won’t matter. It’s the same in life…we eventually get desensitized from the not so ideal things that surround us. In some cases, like horse riding or learning to tune out noise or distractions that can be a good thing. But there are other things like poverty, injustice and cruelty that we should not want to be desensitized from.

2) Sometimes its ok not to follow the rules.

If you’ve ever gone horse riding, the first lesson you learn is how to mount and position yourself on a horse. Your bum should be in the saddle and your feet in their respective stirrups. I often removed my feet from the stirrups, just because.

On one occasion when I was a kid, my family went to this place where you could rent a horse for a ride. My mom decided to take a photo of me on the horse. The horse spooked, I was unprepared and got thrown off. It was a good thing that my feet (naturally) weren’t in the stirrups or I would have ended up with injured ankles, knees or both.

Knowing which rules to break, resist or go against is tricky. It can go both ways – you could be lucky or successful or you could be condemned.

3) Horses stink.

Let’s face it… all animals have a certain smell. I don’t care if its a goldfish or a snake or an elephant-there is always some sort of odor if not from the animal itself then from its habitat.

Like #1, you eventually get used to the smell.

4) Hold on.

Even the best trained horses have their moods and can be unpredictable. If I’d been holding on well, I probably wouldn’t have been thrown off the horse even if it did spook. (Note: I wasn’t holding the reigns.)

Life’s like that too… there are events and seasons where you just have to hold on.

5) Enjoy.

Horse riding is enjoyable… When you’re on a horse, you see things from a different perspective (literally). And usually, the place you are horse riding in is scenic. Enjoy the view and the experience.

5 Things I Learned from Falling In Love

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first published on January 24, 2011 on Wisdom of a 20-Something; republished on 5 Things I Learned on January 25, 2011

 

1) Falling in love is NOT a choice.

It is a feeling of intense attraction to another. A feeling that often comes suddenly and without warning. It’s often something that happens to you rather than something you make happen. It is a reaction to external stimulus. You wake up one day and realize that suddenly you’ve fallen in love.

2) Falling in love and being in love is a roller coaster of emotions.

It’s a time when your mind, heart and body are in complete agreement. You can’t stop thinking about him or her. Your heart feels everything – like its going to burst. And your body makes you feel all amorous and craving for intimacy.

At the same time your mind feeds you with doubts and worries. Your heart feels like its going to shrivel up if your feelings are not returned. And your body no matter what you do leaves you unsatisfied.

But you just go with the flow.

3) Falling in love involves a cocktail of hormones.

  • Adrenaline – results in the phenomenon of sweaty palms, heart palpitations and dry mouth
  • Dopamine – makes you feel desire and a rush of pleasure
  • Serotonin – why your loved one keeps popping in your thoughts
  • Oxytocin – (released during sex) deepens the feeling of attachment
  • Vasopressin – (also linked to sex) cements long term commitment

It’s all here in this article — http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm

4) The feeling of falling in love and being in love fades.

As two people become more familiar with each other the rush of falling in love and being in love fades. Things about the other person begin to irritate you and other flaws become more noticeable.

5) Loving is a choice.

Falling in love is just the first step. Mature individuals recognize that real love requires effort. If both parties are ready, the feeling of falling and being in love can transform into something beautiful and lasting. To love is a choice, chosen every second through triumphs and losses, joy and anger, life and death, peace and pain, celebration and suffering.

5 Things I Learned About Comforters

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – January 26, 2011

Just so we’re on the same page… A comforter is a type of blanket much like a quilt or a duvet. It’s meant to keep the user warm and cozy on a cold night (or if your bed room is air conditioned.)

1. It’s really effective at keeping the cold out and the warmth in.

My room mate who also owns the flat I live in, recently decided that we needed an air conditioner for the fast coming summer months. The problem is, I’m extremely sensitive to the cold! I shiver if a fan is blowing in my direction. For a while, I used a wool blanket…which provided my some measure of warmth, enough so I could get to sleep and wake up with stiff muscles.

I dealt with the discomfort for a month till I finally came to my senses and got myself a comforter last weekend…and voila! Warmth…joyous warmth.

2. It keeps me in bed (and refusing to get out and really wake-up.)

Having a comforter wrapped around you… is almost (I repeat almost) like waking up in your loved one’s arms. It’s really comforting (forgive the pun). Of course nothing beats the real thing…a loving committed man beside me but till then I can spend a couple of minutes more under covers dreaming of him.

3. It is thick and heavy…and thus a chore to wash.

In a month’s time, I’ll be faced with the insurmountable task of washing my comforter. Filled with cotton (or whatever synthetic material it’s filled with that  makes it warm)…the filling absorbs an absurd amount of water and thus becomes really heavy. So arms and legs get ready for one helluva work out!

Then again…there’s a laundry shop nearby. I think I’ll go that route.

4. When folded it doubles up as a pillow.

A really really comfy pillow.

5. You can also use it as a sleeping bag or padded mat.

I remember at home when I’d have friends for a sleep over…when we ran out of fold-able mattresses piling on a couple of comforters on top of one another was a comfortable alternative to the hard cement floor… hey drunks can’t be ‘choosers’ right!

5 Things I Learned about Doctors

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – February 15, 2011 (after a particularly long day at the doctor’s office)

1. Patience is required.

Over the past few months I’ve had to visit my doctor quite a lot and the waiting can be really frustrating. I’d wait for a minimum of 30 minutes (and so far a maximum of 2 hours) to speak with my doctor for a minimum of 4 minutes (and so far a maximum of 15 minutes). I’m sure you’ve experienced the same.

Having patients wait is the most efficient from the doctor’s perspective. Unlike business meetings, you can’t peg down how long a specific doctor’s appointment will be. Sometimes a visit can last 2-3 minutes-just a quick “how are you-I’m feeling good-Come see me next week” kinda conversation with your doctor. Or it can take longer (that usually means there’s something seriously wrong with the patient or the patient is being inquisitive or difficult.) The point is, for the doctor-you don’t really know what to expect until the patient gets there and starts talking. So having patients be patient, sorry for the pun, is the most efficient for the doctor. Note that, the doctor actually wants to speed things along. S/he wants to accommodate more patients in a day as that would mean more consultation fees.

The clinic I go to, Healthway Shangri-la Mall has a system in place…that at least makes waiting more palatable. There’s a numbering system so you sort of have an idea of when you will be called. They also SMS you when the doctor is in, etc.  But waiting anywhere from 10mins to 2 hours  is inevitable.

So I started thinking of a system where both doctors and patients are happy. Imagine this:

  • Register to see your doctor. This can be done online 24 hours before the doctors’ consultation schedule. Put in the necessary personal info if its your 1st time or just pull up your records if your a regular patient. It’s important that the patient has a functioning mobile number.
  • The system sends an SMS to the patient 2 hours before the doctors’ consultation schedule to advise the patient a) the doctor is coming and b) what number they are and around what time they should be at the doctors’. It asks the patient to confirm via SMS that they will be visiting the doctor.
  • Patient #1, #2 and #3 should be at the doctors’ when consultation time starts. The doctor sees him/her – pulls up the patient’s records on the computer. This signals the system that the appointment has begun and prompts the system to send an SMS to Patient #4 that the doctor is seeing Patient #1 and that Patient #4 should be at the doctors’ in 15 minutes or something like that. When it’s Patient #2′s turn, Patient #5 is alerted, and so on.

It isn’t a perfect system (I just thought of this as I was waiting for the doctor earlier) but I’m sure there’s a way to leverage SMS technology to make visiting the doctor more time efficient than it currently is.

Another reason why patience is necessary – sometimes the effects of treatment (or even the treatment itself) takes some time. You might even feel worse before feeling better.

2. The more data you supply the doctor, the better.

People avoid medical check-ups and visiting the doctors under the illusion that ‘what I don’t know won’t hurt me.’ But when it comes to health this is more than just an illusion it is dangerous. However, even when patients are with a doctor, they’d rather be vague (and even lie) about what’s going on with them.

Do you know the show House? The main protagonist, Dr. Greggory House, an expert diagnostician, believes that patients (and their families) lie all the time. Thus as a doctor and diagnostician, if you depend on what the patient tell you-the lies, you won’t be able to get to the root of the problem.

Take note (literally, write it on paper) of what you are feeling, how often, how severe, where exactly, etc. anything that has to do with your body and what’s wrong with it so you can give your doctor some data. It helps him/her diagnose you faster.

Don’t hold back information about yourself – your addictions, your lifestyle, etc. Something minor to you may greatly affect your treatment.

3. Look for a doctor you are comfortable talking to.

If you can’t talk to your doctor then it’s going to be hard for him/her to monitor your health or address your health problems. You need to be able to tell him/her things that are weird, yucky, personal -  what’s going on with your body (and sometimes even your mind).

You need to be comfortable asking the questions you need to ask. There is no such things as a dumb question. Your doctor should answer them. If you don’t ask questions, your doctor will assume you understand whatever he/she said.

On the flip side, the doctor’s demeanor should be one you are comfortable with, whether its business-like or friendly. If you are intimidated by your doctor, it will be very difficult to establish a good relationship.

4. A doctor is a profession.

Doctor’s work as doctors. It is thier income earning activity. Even for the most generous and self-sacrificing of doctors have to put food on the table. The most common way they earn is through consultation fees. They make you see them routinely for check-ups or follow-ups so that they earn consultation fees every time you visit them. If the doctor can manage it, s/he will see you more often than really necessary. In my experience, the doctor assumed that because I had a company health card all my visits were company paid. So she had me come see her more often than what was really necessary. But I was paying for them…at one point two-thirds of my salary for the month went to paying the doctor and the tests.

Cash strapped patients shouldn’t be shy about expressing their difficulties with the doctor. They are human, they know financial and health troubles. Besides, if you find that your doctor is overly concerned about the ‘money’ then he/she may not be the best doctor for you.

5. Doctors appreciate appreciation.

Being a doctor is more than just being able to identify the problem and knowing how to and being able to solve it. Doctors endeavor to be emphatic to their patients to rejoice in their good health and to provide strength when there are health problems. Express your appreciation to your doctor – kind words, asking “How are you?” or “How’s your day so far?”, wishing them well, saying “Thank You!”…etc. It matters to them :D

5 Things I Learned about Broken People

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – March 2, 2011

Life is a journey of ups and downs. Those that have a good life, learn the value and skill of self-healing early on. In the past two weeks alone, I’ve encountered so many people, from all walks of life and of various ages that share one thing in common – they are broken (and have been for some time).

Broken people are people who have been hurt but have not healed-they are still hurting. There are many different causes of brokenness and reasons for why one did not heal. Sadly, I have come to realize that there are many many more broken people and for so many of them they remain broken for years and maybe even till the day they day. There’s so much more to say about this, but for now I’ll stick to my 5 Things…

1. Broken people break other people.

Broken people are guarded – they are not generous with themselves. Why? Because their life experiences have caused them pain so they guard themselves as best as they can so as not to get hurt again. They are afraid to be vulnerable so they put up a front. The front can be of strength, of candor, of leadership, of arrogance and sometimes even of empathy. The basic commonality is that they keep most if not all people at a distance and they do not let themselves be vulnerable.

In being guarded however, a broken person is always on the defensive…such that if another person rubs him/her in the wrong way the broken person can react very strongly. In worst cases, a broken person is on the offensive – the insecurities that are rooted in his/her brokenness are always at the surface. They are ready to battle others anytime even over the smallest of things. The most broken people even cause brokenness around them. Some are negative, skeptic, unduly critical, not supportive, irritable, etc. these can be seen both in their words and in their actions which affect the people around them.

Broken people do not empower – the worst of them disempowers other people. I would bet through that they do not do this intentionally. Most are unaware of how their words, actions and behavior hurt other people. In many cases, it makes sense to them so they don’t have any reasons to change (this is the same for ourselves and our own brokenness).

2. Acknowledge your own brokenness.

Life’s ups and downs affect us all. No one is spared. So we’ve all been hurt, and most of the time we are also bearing our brokenness (usually hurts from our childhood that never healed).

I’m sure we’ve all been ‘broken’ at some point in our lives and it is highly likely that we will experience it again. The likelihood that we will feel pain and experience brokenness  again is high. Given this, understand where the other is coming from. The worst thing we can do for the people around us, is pass on our brokenness to them. So when you find yourself in that situation, take stock of the bigger picture and don’t lash out.

On the flip side, acknowledging our own brokenness should also lead us to #3.

3. Approach the broken with gentleness, sincere concern and genuine love.

If you are currently dealing with someone who is lashing out because he/she is broken…you know how easy it is to just respond in kind – with anger, irritation and harsh words. That however does not make you nor the other person better, instead it contributes to your own and their brokenness. So instead of meeting him/her head on (biting the bait, so to speak), approach him/her with gentleness, sincere concern and genuine love.

As John Maxwell states in the Situation Principle in his How to Win With People book: Strive to remember that a person is separate from the situation he/she creates. Focus on the person. Trust me it isn’t easy… in fact it is one of the most difficult things you are going to do in life. But it does become easier the more you do it.

That being said, if the person really did something terrible he/she should still be held accountable for his/her actions. Just because he/she was hurting doesn’t give him/her the right to hurt others.

4. Be generous with your power to heal.

It requires a great amount of generosity of self to be able to see an individual who is hurting himself and others. It even takes a greater amount of generosity of self to be able to be present and to share your healing power with someone who is hurting.

Being given the opportunity to provide presence, comfort, feedback, wisdom, assistance to another person is a gift! It isn’t easy to show pain and be vulnerable to others. As Coach Pia mentions in her book Born to Be A Hero, you have to watch out for listening moments and teaching moments.

5. Be patient and encourage all the time.

People heal at their own pace. Respect that pace. Rushing a broken person will not help him/her. This is true for yourself as well as the people around you.

More people will discourage and pull others down rather than encourage and lift others up. The second is more powerful!

5 Things I Learned about Birthdays

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – February 16, 2011. I wrote this for my friend’s birthday…and since today is my birthday. I thought it would be cool to re-release it today.

1. Friends have figured out that I have a signature birthday greeting:

Happy (insert person’s name here)-day!

My birthday is my day! It’s my day to celebrate me the way I want to celebrate that day. Last year, I wanted to celebrate my birthday by myself. I know it’s hard to believe but it was one of the best birthdays ever. The year before that, I celebrated my birthday with my office mates and our major partner. The year before that with my family and loved ones… The point it, I try to figure out what I consider to be celebrating my birthday and I celebrate my day. On my birthday, I have an untenable frame of mind that nothing, and I mean NOTHING is going to make my birthday suck!

That’s what I want to communicate when I greet people Happy (Name)-day! It’s your day, celebrate it how you want to celebrate it.

Aside: Since people have caught on I’ve been thinking of a different greeting? Any suggestions?

2. The relationship of # of years alive vs. birthday celebrated and age confuses me.

A baby is born on day 1…when the baby reaches day 365/366, he/she would have already been alive for 1 year. It is his/her 1st birthday/birth anniversary. Beginning day 365/366 until day 729/730, baby is referred to as 1 year old. His/her age is 1 (one), it is currently his/her 2nd year of life. When he/she reaches day 730/731, it will be his/her 2nd birthday/birth anniversary. He/she will be entering into his/her 3rd year of life.

But I guess saying how many full years you’ve lived (years old – age) is much easier than what year of life you are currently living.

3. I have a hunch that at least once in their adult lives, people want to experience a birthday party being thrown for them (whether its a surprise or not).

As children, our parents planned and took care of our parties…but as we get older by our teenage years and when we are adults-if we want a party we have to make it happen ourselves…that is unless someone throws us a surprise party.

Most often the difference between an regular birthday party and the surprise party is that in the former the celebrant is often the one making it happen-inviting guests, ensuring adequate food supply, etc. He/she has to worry about it. Whereas in the latter the celebrant is (or at least should be) clueless about the preparations, logistics, etc. and no effort is required from him/her because someone else made it happen.

It’s the “someone else made it happen because they love me and want me to feel special” aspect of surprise parties that celebrants appreciate! More than just helping a loved one with a party, throw a party for them. Don’t let them do anything except enjoy the celebration. :D

4. I am glad you were born and that you are still alive.

Birthdays are an opportunity for us to express to the celebrant how different our lives would be if he/she weren’t born and if he/she hadn’t lived so long. Birthday’s mark a year of life that has been lived. There are definitely a lot of memories (hopefully good ones) to celebrate.

5. Birthdays are an opportunity to start afresh.

Imagine a life without any ‘life markers’ that signify ends and beginnings – like birthdays-end of year 24 start of year 25, or new years-end of 2010 start of 2011, or seasons changing-spring to summer… and the like. Though technically we can ‘start afresh’ anytime we want to…it seems easier to some extent to make changes in our lives when there are clear transitions such as the events above. I think it has something to do with the psychological ritual of letting go of the past and being open to the future.

Every birthday is another chance to start a new hoping that our next year of life will be more than the one we are celebrating.

5 Things I Learned from Crossing the Street

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – February 18, 2011

In Austria, when a pedestrian approaches the curb, vehicles give way. Drivers assume that the pedestrian will cross the street regardless if there is a pedestrian lane or not. In the Philippines, people get hurt and die because vehicles do not give way to pedestrians, even on the pedestrian lane – where INTERNATIONAL ROAD RULES dictate that pedestrians should have right of way.

Thus daily there are things to learn from crossing the street both literally and metaphorically.

1. Look both ways.

Literally: Look left and then look right for on-coming vehicles. Cross when the coast is clear!

Metaphorically: Taking stock of whats going on around you before making decisions and acting is always important. The mistakes we beat ourselves up for isn’t the ones we knew were coming, but the ones we didn’t notice.

2. Stay on the zebra crossing.

Literally: Cross on the pedestrian lane. Motorists expect you to cross there so they (should) slow down. Plus if anything happens to you, well legally a pedestrian has the right of way on the pedestrian lane!

Metaphorically: If people know what to expect from you, they can relate to you better-easier than if you have no consistency.

3. Heed warnings : cross at your own risk.

Literally: In the Philippines, there are signs that say “Walang tawiran, Nakamamatay” which means “No Crossing. Deadly.” These are rightly placed as Filipino motorists can be very reckless. Whenever available, use pedestrian lanes, foot bridges and under passes.

Metaphorically: Warning signs are all around, we just don’t notice them because we are either too busy (or too involved) to care or fooling ourselves that they are not there. Deep inside we know if a relationship isn’t good for us, we know that the work we are getting into will not bring us joy, we know that our relationships are on  the rocks. By not heeding these warnings, we can almost expect heartache.

4. You are always right of way, except when you aren’t.

Literally: The sanctity of human life will always be greater than the sanctity of a vehicle (or at least it damn well should always be.) But just because more often than not the ‘it’s always the vehicle’s fault’ argument wins in the Philippines doesn’t mean that pedestrians are without responsibility or blame. There are too many reckless pedestrians – those that walk the streets as if it were made for pedestrians.

Metaphorically: Each person has his/her rights. But these rights can be easily abused…responsibilities can be easily forgotten.

5. Be alert.

Literally: Even if you are doing the right thing – looking left and right, crossing in the right place, etc. you never know what other people are doing. Being alert means you are ready to jump out of the way in case a vehicle loses control and is headed towards you.

Metaphorically: Actually its almost the same as the literal meaning… we never know what’s around the corner… it could be something good, it could be something bad. We can only take advantage of it or avoid it, respectively, if we see it coming and adjust accordingly.