Tag Archives: discomfort

5 Things I Learned From Wearing Killer Heels

Posted on by

1

Originally on 5 Things I Learned – January 30, 2011

In an attempt to look hot, professional and intimidating, I wore a killer pair of high heels recently. Here’s the 5 things I learned from that experience.

1. Customize, customize, customize…

Anyone who has ever endeavored to wear heels higher than 2 inches will know that it is uncomfortable…if not, it will be after a couple of hours. Even seasoned high heal wearers like celebrities and models will attest to that. But there are tips and tricks to make the experience a hell of a lot more comfortable… one of them is to customize your heels for a better fit.

Unless your heels were made for you and custom-crafted according to a mold of your foot and according to the way you walk…even the best fitting heels need a little customization. For me, I attached a heel grip to tighten the back of the shoe for a more snug fit. I also added 2 foam taps-gel and fabric cushions that went under the balls of my feet to absorb the shock when walking. Lastly I added, arch support for the added comfort.

Normally, wearing heels like that would have had me groaning in pain within two hours or so of walking and moving around. The padding I had added lengthened it’s comfortable wearability to 4 hours.

2. Sit down and let your feet and legs rest.

Sitting down is not enough, if you’re like me, the type of girl that still puts weight on your feet while seated. I’ve found that instead of keeping my heel clad feet firmly planted on the floor while seated, the best and most relaxing for my feet and legs is to cross my ankles and tuck my feet under the chair. (If you’re familiar with the movie Princess Diaries, refer to the scene where the Queen [Julie Andrews] teaches the Mina [Anne Hathaway] the proper way to sit. Mia actually falls of the chair when she tries it, but trust me it’s not that difficult.)

P.S. Crossing your legs actually isn’t that comfortable either…you’re letting one leg rest but the other is getting a beating.

3. It’s hard to run when you’re in high heels – whether your running toward or running away.

I’m a really fast walker, even in heels. But the heels, I wore the other day were higher than usual and I couldn’t walk as fast as I normally did for fear of losing balance and falling. It was a great feat to walk slower than I normally do. The experience makes me wonder how performers and dancers manage to do what they do-wear heels, dance and not fall on their faces or butts.

Wearing low heeled shoes and flats are definitely better options if you’re expecting a lot of walking and fast movement but learning how to move fast in killer heels would be all the more sexy if you’re running toward someone and all the more memorable if you’re running away from someone.

4. Thus, after #3, work your femininity into each step.

Being ‘forced’ to walk slower than normal, I had to work each step-to consciously infuse my power, sensuality and confidence into each step.

Use the time to hone your feminine power.

5. Thus after #4. enjoy the attention.

High heels get you noticed. In my case though, it got me more looks than I usually get. I’m decently attractive and the way I walk and present myself generally turns heads. However…I’d usually walk briskly and confidently. This time however, I couldn’t walk fast and walking slowly made me feel vulnerable and ‘on display.’ I couldn’t plow through like I normally do. Walking at a slow pace, I could not help but observe the area and the people around me…and interact with them to some degree.

It can be unnerving to have a lot of eyes on you if you aren’t ready, but just relax and enjoy the attention…you can even flirt a bit.

5 Things I Learned from “Make You Feel My Love”

Posted on by

0

Originally on 5 Things I Learned – February 2, 2011

“Make You Feel My Love” is a song composed and first released by Bob Dylan in 1997. I especially like the version of Adele because her rendition borders on gentle hope and sadness.

1. A touch-warm embrace, a strong hold, is a good way to make someone feel loved.

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the star appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

2. Be patient and stay true and sincere.

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
There’s no doubt in my mind where you belong

3. Don’t hold back. Be generous. Be ready to sacrifice and give of yourself.

I’d go hungry, I’d go black and blue
I’d go crawling down the avenue
There ain’t nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love

4. It won’t be easy, you may be pushed away. Remember, who you are separate from who you love. Therein lies your strength.

The storms are raging on rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet

5. If you truly love, their happiness comes first even if it isn’t with you.

There ain’t nothin’ that I wouldn’t do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

Be patient.

5 Things I Learned from Drinking Liquor

Posted on by

0

Originally on 5 Things I Learned – February 8, 2011

A few minutes ago, a friend invited me for drinks on Saturday night and I found myself really excited! I love alcohol-but I’m not a drunk, I don’t even drink that frequently. Four times in a month is already a lot for me…but I greatly enjoy alcohol – the exquisiteness of the flavors and texture of a good liquor, the artistry of cocktails and mixed drinks, the challenges of enjoying a night out (but not too much to get a hang over), the experience of being slightly tipsy to downright wasted and most especially the joy of sharing time, laughter and stories with loved ones.

So here’s the 5 Things I Learned from Drinking Liquor

1. Fruit juice (real fruit juice) make the best mixers.

A margarita is a cocktail essentially made with sweetened lemon juice & tequila. It’s the second cocktail I learned how to make (the first was a screwdriver-orange juice & vodka). On one occasion at a bar, I asked the waitress whether they use real lemons in preparing their margaritas and was told they did. But when the drink came…it was neon green!

Here is a picture of a lemon… tell me how that would ever result in a neon green drink. Apparently they had used a lime juice substitute. The drink was bitter and ‘artificial’ tasting.

Nothing compares with the real thing – the juice of real lemons, oranges, pineapple juice, etc. Using artificial fruit juices (or whatever that bitter substitute was just doesn’t cut it.

2. The darker the liquid the greater the hang over.

In my experience, getting drunk on wine equals a mild to severe hangover the next day. According to experts, the body works double time to process the tannin found in alcohol that has some color (i.e. wine, brandy, rum, etc.). Clear liquors like gin, vodka and sake do not have tannin.

The best (no hangover) liquor I’ve ever enjoyed is Lambanog – a Filipino liquor made from coconut. (Let me know if you’re interested a good friend of mine sells a good quality reasonably priced lambanog).

3. Be faithful…stick to one type of alcohol.

Another surefire way to confuse your body and thus ensure your next day hang over, is to switch from one drink to another in the course of the evening. Do stick to one drink (or at least one type of alcohol).

4. Swimming and alcohol = wastedness (at least it does for me)

I’m a pretty heavy drinker, my tolerance for alcohol is pretty high…but I’ve had my share of being wasted. I CAN NOT mix alcohol and swimming (or the equivalent of my body being immersed in water) without getting wasted.
My theory is that alcohol is a diuretic – which means that it makes you dehydrated. When you are swimming, the same is true – you get dehydrated. So one dehydration + one dehydration = a system that is extremely vulnerable to the effects of alcohol more quickly than normal.

5. A friend or twenty make awesome drinking companions.

I hate drinking alone… I rarely do it and when I do, it’s painfully obvious that something is missing. Whether I’m drinking to celebrate or drinking to commiserate having the people I love around me makes a huge difference.

Plus, talking, laughing, dancing and horsing around is a great way to burn off the alcohol (thus allowing you to enjoy more alcohol throughout the night.)

Remember one and all DRINK RESPONSIBLY for your sake and those of your loved ones.

5 Things I Learned About Thinking About Death

Posted on by

0

Originally on 5 Things I Learned – March 12, 2011

I think about death everyday. Seriously! It’s something I started doing as a teenager. I daydream about death-other persons as well as mine. The scenarios are unlikely but often a real possibility such as my entire family dying in one fell swoop either from a vehicular accident or a house fire/explosion. I’ve thought of friends committing suicide and being killed (foul play). I’ve thought about the death of people who are important to the people who are important to me. I think about how I could die tomorrow or soon. I know it seems morbid…but really it’s not. I’m not wishing for death, mine or anyone else’s though truthfully sometimes I get so involved in my daydreaming that the scenes that play out in my head bring me to tears. Why do it (again and again) if it brings such sadness… well because every time I do it, I learn something important about myself, my relationships and about life and living.

1) I realize how meaningful a person is to me.

We all know the saying ‘You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.’ Death is the ultimate ‘gone-ness.’ There’s no coming back from it… things that are left unsaid are unsaid, hurtful words we were never able to apologize for plague us who are alive, etc. Therapy, counseling and healing techniques for dealing with pain regarding a deceased loved one are corrective. And sadly more people do not get to fully heal from such a loss.

For someone like me who can be so ‘busy,’ it’s so easy for me to overlook the people in my life and how I feel about them. But when I think about them being gone, I remind myself that this person is important to me. Sometimes, I have even surprised myself with the intensity of the feeling of loss – I realize then that a certain person apparently meant so much more to me than I knew.

2) I am motivated to show that appreciation.

Gary Chapman in his book the 5 Languages of Love, talks about how we give and receive love differently. It is as if there is a filter saying this is how to love and this is what it feels like to be loved. The five languages of love are as follows: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Because I am reminded how important someone is to me, I am motivated to cultivate my relationship with him/her by communicating my appreciation and love. In the end there are only two things I want the other person to know: he/s is special to me, that I love him/her.

It takes a lot of work to cultivate relationships but its rewards are incomparable.

3) I get to visualize how I will respond to such events in the future. If I don’t like it, I can work on it now.

What if I found out when exactly I would die? Would I be one of those people that rush to cram doing everything they left for later between now and when they would die? Would I be someone who recoiled into herself at the idea that I would be dying, pushing everyone away? (For a time, that was the image that popped into my head when I thought about my own death. I’m working on figuring out why that is so. So far I’ve realized it has something to do with my having to be strong, independent and my fear of connecting with others).

When I think about other people dying, I try to see how I would react. Would I breakdown at the thought of losing my whole family? Could I survive it if my best friends died? Would it matter to me if people that rubbed me the wrong way passed away?

4) I am prompted to take note of the little things. (Well it’s one of the things I’m working on)

Again, I tend to rush through my day, observing and taking note only of what seems useful. So sadly, I have missed out on the random things that color my world, that lift me up, that inspire me, that make me feel alive, that give me joy. I’m learning to be more present to my self in my day… It is in the little things-glancing at the floor and finding a 100 peso bill, the unexpected smile from the stranger you cross on the street, a man holding the door for you as you enter, the giggle of a young toddler, the vibrancy of the color of a flower…

5) I am reminded to be present today, to enjoy each moment of life, to live now.

A moment comes but once…other moments may be similar but each moment is unique, never to be experienced again. For as we experience each moment, we are changed. We can never experience experiences again…all we have is today to savor it and embed it in our memories.

5 Things I Learned about Broken People

Posted on by

0

Originally on 5 Things I Learned – March 2, 2011

Life is a journey of ups and downs. Those that have a good life, learn the value and skill of self-healing early on. In the past two weeks alone, I’ve encountered so many people, from all walks of life and of various ages that share one thing in common – they are broken (and have been for some time).

Broken people are people who have been hurt but have not healed-they are still hurting. There are many different causes of brokenness and reasons for why one did not heal. Sadly, I have come to realize that there are many many more broken people and for so many of them they remain broken for years and maybe even till the day they day. There’s so much more to say about this, but for now I’ll stick to my 5 Things…

1. Broken people break other people.

Broken people are guarded – they are not generous with themselves. Why? Because their life experiences have caused them pain so they guard themselves as best as they can so as not to get hurt again. They are afraid to be vulnerable so they put up a front. The front can be of strength, of candor, of leadership, of arrogance and sometimes even of empathy. The basic commonality is that they keep most if not all people at a distance and they do not let themselves be vulnerable.

In being guarded however, a broken person is always on the defensive…such that if another person rubs him/her in the wrong way the broken person can react very strongly. In worst cases, a broken person is on the offensive – the insecurities that are rooted in his/her brokenness are always at the surface. They are ready to battle others anytime even over the smallest of things. The most broken people even cause brokenness around them. Some are negative, skeptic, unduly critical, not supportive, irritable, etc. these can be seen both in their words and in their actions which affect the people around them.

Broken people do not empower – the worst of them disempowers other people. I would bet through that they do not do this intentionally. Most are unaware of how their words, actions and behavior hurt other people. In many cases, it makes sense to them so they don’t have any reasons to change (this is the same for ourselves and our own brokenness).

2. Acknowledge your own brokenness.

Life’s ups and downs affect us all. No one is spared. So we’ve all been hurt, and most of the time we are also bearing our brokenness (usually hurts from our childhood that never healed).

I’m sure we’ve all been ‘broken’ at some point in our lives and it is highly likely that we will experience it again. The likelihood that we will feel pain and experience brokenness  again is high. Given this, understand where the other is coming from. The worst thing we can do for the people around us, is pass on our brokenness to them. So when you find yourself in that situation, take stock of the bigger picture and don’t lash out.

On the flip side, acknowledging our own brokenness should also lead us to #3.

3. Approach the broken with gentleness, sincere concern and genuine love.

If you are currently dealing with someone who is lashing out because he/she is broken…you know how easy it is to just respond in kind – with anger, irritation and harsh words. That however does not make you nor the other person better, instead it contributes to your own and their brokenness. So instead of meeting him/her head on (biting the bait, so to speak), approach him/her with gentleness, sincere concern and genuine love.

As John Maxwell states in the Situation Principle in his How to Win With People book: Strive to remember that a person is separate from the situation he/she creates. Focus on the person. Trust me it isn’t easy… in fact it is one of the most difficult things you are going to do in life. But it does become easier the more you do it.

That being said, if the person really did something terrible he/she should still be held accountable for his/her actions. Just because he/she was hurting doesn’t give him/her the right to hurt others.

4. Be generous with your power to heal.

It requires a great amount of generosity of self to be able to see an individual who is hurting himself and others. It even takes a greater amount of generosity of self to be able to be present and to share your healing power with someone who is hurting.

Being given the opportunity to provide presence, comfort, feedback, wisdom, assistance to another person is a gift! It isn’t easy to show pain and be vulnerable to others. As Coach Pia mentions in her book Born to Be A Hero, you have to watch out for listening moments and teaching moments.

5. Be patient and encourage all the time.

People heal at their own pace. Respect that pace. Rushing a broken person will not help him/her. This is true for yourself as well as the people around you.

More people will discourage and pull others down rather than encourage and lift others up. The second is more powerful!

5 Things I Learned from Ricky Tantoco

Posted on by

1

Originally on 5 Things I Learned – March 17, 2011

Tonight, the choral group I belong to, the Ateneo de Manila College Glee Club performed for officers and staff of the Energy Development Corporation at the invitation of one of our patrons Mr. Ricky and his wife, Vicky Tantoco. After the performance, Mr. Ricky Tantoco was gracious enough to chat with us. It was an evening of music, wine and wisdom. I picked up so many lessons tonight, but I’d like to share three in particular.

When Sir Ricky was in his mid-twenties, he found himself at a crossroads. He had been working for a multinational for sometime and had risen up the ranks and stationed abroad and was earning quite well. He was thinking of taking his MBA abroad. The company offered everything to get him to stay. Confused, he spoke with his uncle Cesar Buenaventura former CEO of Shell Philippines LLC in the 70s-80s. The first three things I learned from Sir Ricky, were actually pieces of wisdom his uncle Cesar shared with him.

1) Always choose skill over well everything else.
I would phrase it as… Go with where you can learn and grow. Choose skill and learning over pay, position, company friends, etc.
Note: Sir Ricky decided to leave the multinational and study.

2) Don’t compromise your integrity.
Simple and straight to the point, without integrity there is no sustainability.

3) The money will come when you’re in your forties.
Build a solid foundation from which to build your life and make each brick count. Reinforce areas that are weak and when the time comes you’ll find yourself with a structure people will pay for to see, to enter, to appreciate, to enjoy, to engage, to use, to exist in.

Sir Ricky also shared with us a conversation he had with Fr. Adolfo Dacanay, SJ the chair of the Theology department of the Ateneo de Manila University. Fr. Dax is a professor of theology and his courses focus on love and marriage. He is also a Canon Lawyer and as such has handled thousands of annulment cases in the Philippines. Sir Ricky asked Fr. Dax what based on his reasons are the 3 Most Important Reasons why Marriages are annulled. Sir Ricky, shared two with us… he forgot the third (but promised to check his notes and share the last one with us on our next Christmas Caroling with their family.)

4) One of the two partners are fundamentally broken.

I’ve done a piece about brokenness before, and I agree completely. The most broken people have experienced childhood trauma, violence or abuse that they never recover from. Sometimes they have cast a veneer of normalcy, so that you would never suspect how hollow their sense of self is. Initially, pointers are not definitive things like possessiveness and temperamentalness – things that would seem more like personality defects. But for broken people, these are just the tip of the iceberg. Their brokenness comes out by way of increasing frequency and degree of physical and especially psychological abuse.

5) The great divide and the Messianic Complex.

There is a great challenge when bridging divides between two people the most common is socio-economic disparity, educational disparity and religious disparity. You have one partner who feels ‘superior’ or ‘more blessed’ and thus feels that he or she can ‘improve’ the life of the other. Eventually the messiah feels frustrated that the other doesn’t want to change, and the one who doesn’t want to change feels pressured to change even if he or she doesn’t want to.

It was truly a night that reaffirmed the importance of connections and conversations…all that’s missing is convergence.

5 Things I Learned about Guesting On TV

Posted on by

0

Originally on 5 Things I Learned – February 1, 2011

Last week, Colayco Foundation sent me to a small TV station to talk about what we do… It was my first solo TV guesting. I’d done guestings and interviews before but I was either with another person or the segment was really short. This time, I was engaged with the hosts for almost an hour.

1. The studio is cold.

I was in a polo shirt (because it had the logo of our foundation) and a pair of slacks. By the end of the show my teeth were nearly chattering.

To do for next time: have a button pin of our logo made and wear a warm jacket to future TV guestings.

2. Contour, contour, contour!!!

I’ve become a bit rounder the past two years and its showing in my face. Adding a bit of contouring to my make up would make me look better on camera.

Where to add: under my cheek bones and along my jaw line.

3. Figure out your angles and where the cameras are.

Trying to talk to the two hosts while giving the cameras a good angle of my face was difficult, but ultimately doable. The key is to test angles before taping/airing and to remember not to turn away too much.

4. Prepare your key phrases beforehand.

In past guestings, I was a bundle of nerves. I knew my material but there were times that I got tongue tied. Having a set of phrases on the ready helped me a lot with this last guesting. It helped keep the energy going.

5. Smile, laugh, play along, RELAX!

It’s the host’s responsibility and area of expertise to keep a show moving. You’re in good hands, take his/her cue and run with it.