Tag Archives: 5 things

5 Things I Learned From Horse Riding

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first published on January 12, 2011 on my Wisdom of a 20-Something; republished on 5 Things I Learned on January 25, 2011

1) Your bum is gonna hurt.

It’s a fact… but eventually you’ll be so used to the discomfort that it won’t matter. It’s the same in life…we eventually get desensitized from the not so ideal things that surround us. In some cases, like horse riding or learning to tune out noise or distractions that can be a good thing. But there are other things like poverty, injustice and cruelty that we should not want to be desensitized from.

2) Sometimes its ok not to follow the rules.

If you’ve ever gone horse riding, the first lesson you learn is how to mount and position yourself on a horse. Your bum should be in the saddle and your feet in their respective stirrups. I often removed my feet from the stirrups, just because.

On one occasion when I was a kid, my family went to this place where you could rent a horse for a ride. My mom decided to take a photo of me on the horse. The horse spooked, I was unprepared and got thrown off. It was a good thing that my feet (naturally) weren’t in the stirrups or I would have ended up with injured ankles, knees or both.

Knowing which rules to break, resist or go against is tricky. It can go both ways – you could be lucky or successful or you could be condemned.

3) Horses stink.

Let’s face it… all animals have a certain smell. I don’t care if its a goldfish or a snake or an elephant-there is always some sort of odor if not from the animal itself then from its habitat.

Like #1, you eventually get used to the smell.

4) Hold on.

Even the best trained horses have their moods and can be unpredictable. If I’d been holding on well, I probably wouldn’t have been thrown off the horse even if it did spook. (Note: I wasn’t holding the reigns.)

Life’s like that too… there are events and seasons where you just have to hold on.

5) Enjoy.

Horse riding is enjoyable… When you’re on a horse, you see things from a different perspective (literally). And usually, the place you are horse riding in is scenic. Enjoy the view and the experience.

5 Things I Learned from Falling In Love

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first published on January 24, 2011 on Wisdom of a 20-Something; republished on 5 Things I Learned on January 25, 2011

 

1) Falling in love is NOT a choice.

It is a feeling of intense attraction to another. A feeling that often comes suddenly and without warning. It’s often something that happens to you rather than something you make happen. It is a reaction to external stimulus. You wake up one day and realize that suddenly you’ve fallen in love.

2) Falling in love and being in love is a roller coaster of emotions.

It’s a time when your mind, heart and body are in complete agreement. You can’t stop thinking about him or her. Your heart feels everything – like its going to burst. And your body makes you feel all amorous and craving for intimacy.

At the same time your mind feeds you with doubts and worries. Your heart feels like its going to shrivel up if your feelings are not returned. And your body no matter what you do leaves you unsatisfied.

But you just go with the flow.

3) Falling in love involves a cocktail of hormones.

  • Adrenaline – results in the phenomenon of sweaty palms, heart palpitations and dry mouth
  • Dopamine – makes you feel desire and a rush of pleasure
  • Serotonin – why your loved one keeps popping in your thoughts
  • Oxytocin – (released during sex) deepens the feeling of attachment
  • Vasopressin – (also linked to sex) cements long term commitment

It’s all here in this article — http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm

4) The feeling of falling in love and being in love fades.

As two people become more familiar with each other the rush of falling in love and being in love fades. Things about the other person begin to irritate you and other flaws become more noticeable.

5) Loving is a choice.

Falling in love is just the first step. Mature individuals recognize that real love requires effort. If both parties are ready, the feeling of falling and being in love can transform into something beautiful and lasting. To love is a choice, chosen every second through triumphs and losses, joy and anger, life and death, peace and pain, celebration and suffering.

5 Things I Learned About Comforters

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – January 26, 2011

Just so we’re on the same page… A comforter is a type of blanket much like a quilt or a duvet. It’s meant to keep the user warm and cozy on a cold night (or if your bed room is air conditioned.)

1. It’s really effective at keeping the cold out and the warmth in.

My room mate who also owns the flat I live in, recently decided that we needed an air conditioner for the fast coming summer months. The problem is, I’m extremely sensitive to the cold! I shiver if a fan is blowing in my direction. For a while, I used a wool blanket…which provided my some measure of warmth, enough so I could get to sleep and wake up with stiff muscles.

I dealt with the discomfort for a month till I finally came to my senses and got myself a comforter last weekend…and voila! Warmth…joyous warmth.

2. It keeps me in bed (and refusing to get out and really wake-up.)

Having a comforter wrapped around you… is almost (I repeat almost) like waking up in your loved one’s arms. It’s really comforting (forgive the pun). Of course nothing beats the real thing…a loving committed man beside me but till then I can spend a couple of minutes more under covers dreaming of him.

3. It is thick and heavy…and thus a chore to wash.

In a month’s time, I’ll be faced with the insurmountable task of washing my comforter. Filled with cotton (or whatever synthetic material it’s filled with that  makes it warm)…the filling absorbs an absurd amount of water and thus becomes really heavy. So arms and legs get ready for one helluva work out!

Then again…there’s a laundry shop nearby. I think I’ll go that route.

4. When folded it doubles up as a pillow.

A really really comfy pillow.

5. You can also use it as a sleeping bag or padded mat.

I remember at home when I’d have friends for a sleep over…when we ran out of fold-able mattresses piling on a couple of comforters on top of one another was a comfortable alternative to the hard cement floor… hey drunks can’t be ‘choosers’ right!

5 Things I Learned From Wearing Killer Heels

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – January 30, 2011

In an attempt to look hot, professional and intimidating, I wore a killer pair of high heels recently. Here’s the 5 things I learned from that experience.

1. Customize, customize, customize…

Anyone who has ever endeavored to wear heels higher than 2 inches will know that it is uncomfortable…if not, it will be after a couple of hours. Even seasoned high heal wearers like celebrities and models will attest to that. But there are tips and tricks to make the experience a hell of a lot more comfortable… one of them is to customize your heels for a better fit.

Unless your heels were made for you and custom-crafted according to a mold of your foot and according to the way you walk…even the best fitting heels need a little customization. For me, I attached a heel grip to tighten the back of the shoe for a more snug fit. I also added 2 foam taps-gel and fabric cushions that went under the balls of my feet to absorb the shock when walking. Lastly I added, arch support for the added comfort.

Normally, wearing heels like that would have had me groaning in pain within two hours or so of walking and moving around. The padding I had added lengthened it’s comfortable wearability to 4 hours.

2. Sit down and let your feet and legs rest.

Sitting down is not enough, if you’re like me, the type of girl that still puts weight on your feet while seated. I’ve found that instead of keeping my heel clad feet firmly planted on the floor while seated, the best and most relaxing for my feet and legs is to cross my ankles and tuck my feet under the chair. (If you’re familiar with the movie Princess Diaries, refer to the scene where the Queen [Julie Andrews] teaches the Mina [Anne Hathaway] the proper way to sit. Mia actually falls of the chair when she tries it, but trust me it’s not that difficult.)

P.S. Crossing your legs actually isn’t that comfortable either…you’re letting one leg rest but the other is getting a beating.

3. It’s hard to run when you’re in high heels – whether your running toward or running away.

I’m a really fast walker, even in heels. But the heels, I wore the other day were higher than usual and I couldn’t walk as fast as I normally did for fear of losing balance and falling. It was a great feat to walk slower than I normally do. The experience makes me wonder how performers and dancers manage to do what they do-wear heels, dance and not fall on their faces or butts.

Wearing low heeled shoes and flats are definitely better options if you’re expecting a lot of walking and fast movement but learning how to move fast in killer heels would be all the more sexy if you’re running toward someone and all the more memorable if you’re running away from someone.

4. Thus, after #3, work your femininity into each step.

Being ‘forced’ to walk slower than normal, I had to work each step-to consciously infuse my power, sensuality and confidence into each step.

Use the time to hone your feminine power.

5. Thus after #4. enjoy the attention.

High heels get you noticed. In my case though, it got me more looks than I usually get. I’m decently attractive and the way I walk and present myself generally turns heads. However…I’d usually walk briskly and confidently. This time however, I couldn’t walk fast and walking slowly made me feel vulnerable and ‘on display.’ I couldn’t plow through like I normally do. Walking at a slow pace, I could not help but observe the area and the people around me…and interact with them to some degree.

It can be unnerving to have a lot of eyes on you if you aren’t ready, but just relax and enjoy the attention…you can even flirt a bit.

5 Things I Learned from Answering the Phone

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – January  31, 2011

1. Greet the person on the other end SLOWLY.

Have you ever had to repeat the name of your company or your name to the caller even after you delivered your customary telephone greeting?

People often rush through the phone greeting without really thinking about what they’re saying. Your caller probably heard you mumble something, not really catching a single word you said.

Slowing down will feel odd at first. You’ll think that the caller will probably be bored by the time you finish with your greeting…that is not the case! It only sounds slow to you.

2. Pronunciation and enunciation are key.

Sometimes its not the rate of speech that makes you incomprehensible but how clearly you sound out the consonants and vowels of your words.

Try making an audio recording of yourself and play it back to check how fast you are talking, how clear and understandable your pronunciation is and how high or low your pitch is. Have others listen to it as well and give their feed back.

3. Really listen for the other person’s name and jot it down before you forget.

It’s sad to have to ask the person you’re talking with to repeat their name (the one the gave you 15 seconds into the call) after a minute of two of conversation. Take note of it the first time.

Listen for it and write it on a scrap of paper or type it on your computer immediately.

4. Focus on your caller. Don’t multi-task.

In a face to face conversation you wouldn’t do something else when the person your talking to is right in front of you right? Not only is it rude, it’s inefficient.

Drop what you’re doing. Calls often take a minute or two. If it’s something that would take longer and you can’t spare the time at the moment, ask your caller to call back at a certain time. Schedule a phone conversation so you can really focus on your caller and his/her concerns.

5. Smile… Really! It can be heard.

You’d be surprised how much is communicated by the tone of voice, pitch and rate of speech. Genuinely, be happy to greet your caller. Smiling helps in two ways: 1) it helps you to project happiness and 2) it raises the pitch of your voice slightly.

5 Things I Learned from “Make You Feel My Love”

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – February 2, 2011

“Make You Feel My Love” is a song composed and first released by Bob Dylan in 1997. I especially like the version of Adele because her rendition borders on gentle hope and sadness.

1. A touch-warm embrace, a strong hold, is a good way to make someone feel loved.

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the star appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

2. Be patient and stay true and sincere.

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
There’s no doubt in my mind where you belong

3. Don’t hold back. Be generous. Be ready to sacrifice and give of yourself.

I’d go hungry, I’d go black and blue
I’d go crawling down the avenue
There ain’t nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love

4. It won’t be easy, you may be pushed away. Remember, who you are separate from who you love. Therein lies your strength.

The storms are raging on rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet

5. If you truly love, their happiness comes first even if it isn’t with you.

There ain’t nothin’ that I wouldn’t do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

Be patient.

5 Things I Learned from Drinking Liquor

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – February 8, 2011

A few minutes ago, a friend invited me for drinks on Saturday night and I found myself really excited! I love alcohol-but I’m not a drunk, I don’t even drink that frequently. Four times in a month is already a lot for me…but I greatly enjoy alcohol – the exquisiteness of the flavors and texture of a good liquor, the artistry of cocktails and mixed drinks, the challenges of enjoying a night out (but not too much to get a hang over), the experience of being slightly tipsy to downright wasted and most especially the joy of sharing time, laughter and stories with loved ones.

So here’s the 5 Things I Learned from Drinking Liquor

1. Fruit juice (real fruit juice) make the best mixers.

A margarita is a cocktail essentially made with sweetened lemon juice & tequila. It’s the second cocktail I learned how to make (the first was a screwdriver-orange juice & vodka). On one occasion at a bar, I asked the waitress whether they use real lemons in preparing their margaritas and was told they did. But when the drink came…it was neon green!

Here is a picture of a lemon… tell me how that would ever result in a neon green drink. Apparently they had used a lime juice substitute. The drink was bitter and ‘artificial’ tasting.

Nothing compares with the real thing – the juice of real lemons, oranges, pineapple juice, etc. Using artificial fruit juices (or whatever that bitter substitute was just doesn’t cut it.

2. The darker the liquid the greater the hang over.

In my experience, getting drunk on wine equals a mild to severe hangover the next day. According to experts, the body works double time to process the tannin found in alcohol that has some color (i.e. wine, brandy, rum, etc.). Clear liquors like gin, vodka and sake do not have tannin.

The best (no hangover) liquor I’ve ever enjoyed is Lambanog – a Filipino liquor made from coconut. (Let me know if you’re interested a good friend of mine sells a good quality reasonably priced lambanog).

3. Be faithful…stick to one type of alcohol.

Another surefire way to confuse your body and thus ensure your next day hang over, is to switch from one drink to another in the course of the evening. Do stick to one drink (or at least one type of alcohol).

4. Swimming and alcohol = wastedness (at least it does for me)

I’m a pretty heavy drinker, my tolerance for alcohol is pretty high…but I’ve had my share of being wasted. I CAN NOT mix alcohol and swimming (or the equivalent of my body being immersed in water) without getting wasted.
My theory is that alcohol is a diuretic – which means that it makes you dehydrated. When you are swimming, the same is true – you get dehydrated. So one dehydration + one dehydration = a system that is extremely vulnerable to the effects of alcohol more quickly than normal.

5. A friend or twenty make awesome drinking companions.

I hate drinking alone… I rarely do it and when I do, it’s painfully obvious that something is missing. Whether I’m drinking to celebrate or drinking to commiserate having the people I love around me makes a huge difference.

Plus, talking, laughing, dancing and horsing around is a great way to burn off the alcohol (thus allowing you to enjoy more alcohol throughout the night.)

Remember one and all DRINK RESPONSIBLY for your sake and those of your loved ones.

5 Things I Learned about Doctors

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – February 15, 2011 (after a particularly long day at the doctor’s office)

1. Patience is required.

Over the past few months I’ve had to visit my doctor quite a lot and the waiting can be really frustrating. I’d wait for a minimum of 30 minutes (and so far a maximum of 2 hours) to speak with my doctor for a minimum of 4 minutes (and so far a maximum of 15 minutes). I’m sure you’ve experienced the same.

Having patients wait is the most efficient from the doctor’s perspective. Unlike business meetings, you can’t peg down how long a specific doctor’s appointment will be. Sometimes a visit can last 2-3 minutes-just a quick “how are you-I’m feeling good-Come see me next week” kinda conversation with your doctor. Or it can take longer (that usually means there’s something seriously wrong with the patient or the patient is being inquisitive or difficult.) The point is, for the doctor-you don’t really know what to expect until the patient gets there and starts talking. So having patients be patient, sorry for the pun, is the most efficient for the doctor. Note that, the doctor actually wants to speed things along. S/he wants to accommodate more patients in a day as that would mean more consultation fees.

The clinic I go to, Healthway Shangri-la Mall has a system in place…that at least makes waiting more palatable. There’s a numbering system so you sort of have an idea of when you will be called. They also SMS you when the doctor is in, etc.  But waiting anywhere from 10mins to 2 hours  is inevitable.

So I started thinking of a system where both doctors and patients are happy. Imagine this:

  • Register to see your doctor. This can be done online 24 hours before the doctors’ consultation schedule. Put in the necessary personal info if its your 1st time or just pull up your records if your a regular patient. It’s important that the patient has a functioning mobile number.
  • The system sends an SMS to the patient 2 hours before the doctors’ consultation schedule to advise the patient a) the doctor is coming and b) what number they are and around what time they should be at the doctors’. It asks the patient to confirm via SMS that they will be visiting the doctor.
  • Patient #1, #2 and #3 should be at the doctors’ when consultation time starts. The doctor sees him/her – pulls up the patient’s records on the computer. This signals the system that the appointment has begun and prompts the system to send an SMS to Patient #4 that the doctor is seeing Patient #1 and that Patient #4 should be at the doctors’ in 15 minutes or something like that. When it’s Patient #2′s turn, Patient #5 is alerted, and so on.

It isn’t a perfect system (I just thought of this as I was waiting for the doctor earlier) but I’m sure there’s a way to leverage SMS technology to make visiting the doctor more time efficient than it currently is.

Another reason why patience is necessary – sometimes the effects of treatment (or even the treatment itself) takes some time. You might even feel worse before feeling better.

2. The more data you supply the doctor, the better.

People avoid medical check-ups and visiting the doctors under the illusion that ‘what I don’t know won’t hurt me.’ But when it comes to health this is more than just an illusion it is dangerous. However, even when patients are with a doctor, they’d rather be vague (and even lie) about what’s going on with them.

Do you know the show House? The main protagonist, Dr. Greggory House, an expert diagnostician, believes that patients (and their families) lie all the time. Thus as a doctor and diagnostician, if you depend on what the patient tell you-the lies, you won’t be able to get to the root of the problem.

Take note (literally, write it on paper) of what you are feeling, how often, how severe, where exactly, etc. anything that has to do with your body and what’s wrong with it so you can give your doctor some data. It helps him/her diagnose you faster.

Don’t hold back information about yourself – your addictions, your lifestyle, etc. Something minor to you may greatly affect your treatment.

3. Look for a doctor you are comfortable talking to.

If you can’t talk to your doctor then it’s going to be hard for him/her to monitor your health or address your health problems. You need to be able to tell him/her things that are weird, yucky, personal -  what’s going on with your body (and sometimes even your mind).

You need to be comfortable asking the questions you need to ask. There is no such things as a dumb question. Your doctor should answer them. If you don’t ask questions, your doctor will assume you understand whatever he/she said.

On the flip side, the doctor’s demeanor should be one you are comfortable with, whether its business-like or friendly. If you are intimidated by your doctor, it will be very difficult to establish a good relationship.

4. A doctor is a profession.

Doctor’s work as doctors. It is thier income earning activity. Even for the most generous and self-sacrificing of doctors have to put food on the table. The most common way they earn is through consultation fees. They make you see them routinely for check-ups or follow-ups so that they earn consultation fees every time you visit them. If the doctor can manage it, s/he will see you more often than really necessary. In my experience, the doctor assumed that because I had a company health card all my visits were company paid. So she had me come see her more often than what was really necessary. But I was paying for them…at one point two-thirds of my salary for the month went to paying the doctor and the tests.

Cash strapped patients shouldn’t be shy about expressing their difficulties with the doctor. They are human, they know financial and health troubles. Besides, if you find that your doctor is overly concerned about the ‘money’ then he/she may not be the best doctor for you.

5. Doctors appreciate appreciation.

Being a doctor is more than just being able to identify the problem and knowing how to and being able to solve it. Doctors endeavor to be emphatic to their patients to rejoice in their good health and to provide strength when there are health problems. Express your appreciation to your doctor – kind words, asking “How are you?” or “How’s your day so far?”, wishing them well, saying “Thank You!”…etc. It matters to them :D

5 Things I Learned About Thinking About Death

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – March 12, 2011

I think about death everyday. Seriously! It’s something I started doing as a teenager. I daydream about death-other persons as well as mine. The scenarios are unlikely but often a real possibility such as my entire family dying in one fell swoop either from a vehicular accident or a house fire/explosion. I’ve thought of friends committing suicide and being killed (foul play). I’ve thought about the death of people who are important to the people who are important to me. I think about how I could die tomorrow or soon. I know it seems morbid…but really it’s not. I’m not wishing for death, mine or anyone else’s though truthfully sometimes I get so involved in my daydreaming that the scenes that play out in my head bring me to tears. Why do it (again and again) if it brings such sadness… well because every time I do it, I learn something important about myself, my relationships and about life and living.

1) I realize how meaningful a person is to me.

We all know the saying ‘You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.’ Death is the ultimate ‘gone-ness.’ There’s no coming back from it… things that are left unsaid are unsaid, hurtful words we were never able to apologize for plague us who are alive, etc. Therapy, counseling and healing techniques for dealing with pain regarding a deceased loved one are corrective. And sadly more people do not get to fully heal from such a loss.

For someone like me who can be so ‘busy,’ it’s so easy for me to overlook the people in my life and how I feel about them. But when I think about them being gone, I remind myself that this person is important to me. Sometimes, I have even surprised myself with the intensity of the feeling of loss – I realize then that a certain person apparently meant so much more to me than I knew.

2) I am motivated to show that appreciation.

Gary Chapman in his book the 5 Languages of Love, talks about how we give and receive love differently. It is as if there is a filter saying this is how to love and this is what it feels like to be loved. The five languages of love are as follows: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Because I am reminded how important someone is to me, I am motivated to cultivate my relationship with him/her by communicating my appreciation and love. In the end there are only two things I want the other person to know: he/s is special to me, that I love him/her.

It takes a lot of work to cultivate relationships but its rewards are incomparable.

3) I get to visualize how I will respond to such events in the future. If I don’t like it, I can work on it now.

What if I found out when exactly I would die? Would I be one of those people that rush to cram doing everything they left for later between now and when they would die? Would I be someone who recoiled into herself at the idea that I would be dying, pushing everyone away? (For a time, that was the image that popped into my head when I thought about my own death. I’m working on figuring out why that is so. So far I’ve realized it has something to do with my having to be strong, independent and my fear of connecting with others).

When I think about other people dying, I try to see how I would react. Would I breakdown at the thought of losing my whole family? Could I survive it if my best friends died? Would it matter to me if people that rubbed me the wrong way passed away?

4) I am prompted to take note of the little things. (Well it’s one of the things I’m working on)

Again, I tend to rush through my day, observing and taking note only of what seems useful. So sadly, I have missed out on the random things that color my world, that lift me up, that inspire me, that make me feel alive, that give me joy. I’m learning to be more present to my self in my day… It is in the little things-glancing at the floor and finding a 100 peso bill, the unexpected smile from the stranger you cross on the street, a man holding the door for you as you enter, the giggle of a young toddler, the vibrancy of the color of a flower…

5) I am reminded to be present today, to enjoy each moment of life, to live now.

A moment comes but once…other moments may be similar but each moment is unique, never to be experienced again. For as we experience each moment, we are changed. We can never experience experiences again…all we have is today to savor it and embed it in our memories.

5 Things I Learned about Broken People

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Originally on 5 Things I Learned – March 2, 2011

Life is a journey of ups and downs. Those that have a good life, learn the value and skill of self-healing early on. In the past two weeks alone, I’ve encountered so many people, from all walks of life and of various ages that share one thing in common – they are broken (and have been for some time).

Broken people are people who have been hurt but have not healed-they are still hurting. There are many different causes of brokenness and reasons for why one did not heal. Sadly, I have come to realize that there are many many more broken people and for so many of them they remain broken for years and maybe even till the day they day. There’s so much more to say about this, but for now I’ll stick to my 5 Things…

1. Broken people break other people.

Broken people are guarded – they are not generous with themselves. Why? Because their life experiences have caused them pain so they guard themselves as best as they can so as not to get hurt again. They are afraid to be vulnerable so they put up a front. The front can be of strength, of candor, of leadership, of arrogance and sometimes even of empathy. The basic commonality is that they keep most if not all people at a distance and they do not let themselves be vulnerable.

In being guarded however, a broken person is always on the defensive…such that if another person rubs him/her in the wrong way the broken person can react very strongly. In worst cases, a broken person is on the offensive – the insecurities that are rooted in his/her brokenness are always at the surface. They are ready to battle others anytime even over the smallest of things. The most broken people even cause brokenness around them. Some are negative, skeptic, unduly critical, not supportive, irritable, etc. these can be seen both in their words and in their actions which affect the people around them.

Broken people do not empower – the worst of them disempowers other people. I would bet through that they do not do this intentionally. Most are unaware of how their words, actions and behavior hurt other people. In many cases, it makes sense to them so they don’t have any reasons to change (this is the same for ourselves and our own brokenness).

2. Acknowledge your own brokenness.

Life’s ups and downs affect us all. No one is spared. So we’ve all been hurt, and most of the time we are also bearing our brokenness (usually hurts from our childhood that never healed).

I’m sure we’ve all been ‘broken’ at some point in our lives and it is highly likely that we will experience it again. The likelihood that we will feel pain and experience brokenness  again is high. Given this, understand where the other is coming from. The worst thing we can do for the people around us, is pass on our brokenness to them. So when you find yourself in that situation, take stock of the bigger picture and don’t lash out.

On the flip side, acknowledging our own brokenness should also lead us to #3.

3. Approach the broken with gentleness, sincere concern and genuine love.

If you are currently dealing with someone who is lashing out because he/she is broken…you know how easy it is to just respond in kind – with anger, irritation and harsh words. That however does not make you nor the other person better, instead it contributes to your own and their brokenness. So instead of meeting him/her head on (biting the bait, so to speak), approach him/her with gentleness, sincere concern and genuine love.

As John Maxwell states in the Situation Principle in his How to Win With People book: Strive to remember that a person is separate from the situation he/she creates. Focus on the person. Trust me it isn’t easy… in fact it is one of the most difficult things you are going to do in life. But it does become easier the more you do it.

That being said, if the person really did something terrible he/she should still be held accountable for his/her actions. Just because he/she was hurting doesn’t give him/her the right to hurt others.

4. Be generous with your power to heal.

It requires a great amount of generosity of self to be able to see an individual who is hurting himself and others. It even takes a greater amount of generosity of self to be able to be present and to share your healing power with someone who is hurting.

Being given the opportunity to provide presence, comfort, feedback, wisdom, assistance to another person is a gift! It isn’t easy to show pain and be vulnerable to others. As Coach Pia mentions in her book Born to Be A Hero, you have to watch out for listening moments and teaching moments.

5. Be patient and encourage all the time.

People heal at their own pace. Respect that pace. Rushing a broken person will not help him/her. This is true for yourself as well as the people around you.

More people will discourage and pull others down rather than encourage and lift others up. The second is more powerful!